Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Growing Old Truisms: The Age/Camo Inversion

Truism: There is an inverse relationship between my age and the number of camouflage clothing items I own. As one keeps going inexorably up, the other keeps going steadily down.

Makes sense, I suppose. These days, I mostly bird and waterfowl hunt. Obviously I eschew any camo at all for my bird hunting, not only for the fact that it looks unbelievably silly, and tacky, but also because I have no desire to resemble a leafy, three-dimensional, color-changing, UV-blocking, ultra-wicking, holographic Ent as I chase the dogs across the landscape. 

I do wear camo waders and a camo parka while duck hunting (the pattern escapes me, Dickweed Maxx 4-D, or something like that), along with a facemask (no effing affected facepaint for me) and a hat, so there is that. I can't completely chunk all this overpriced, overhyped crap, because, well, it does help some with the duckies. I also wear a few old, faded camo (lineage unknown) t-shirts and earth-toned shorts for early dove. In addition, I have a few old, worn and and thoroughly unstylish camo shirts and pants I wear for spring turkey, along with gloves, mask and hat.

But that's about it for my camo-wearing these days, which is a far, far cry from my camo-festooned youth, during which - growing up in a state college town - camouflage was not only potent tribal identity (Me Manly Hunter Man!), but fashion, philosophical, and political statement as well. You know, all those terribly important statements that seem to stop mattering so much as you grow older.

These days, I pretty much ignore the merchants of redneck cool and instead have taken to wearing mostly earth-toned surplus wool pants and shirts for what little bowhunting I still do, and have even begun committing the unpardonable sin of wearing a pair of old jeans and a brown or dark gray flannel shirt on warm days during deer gun season. And it's the damndest thing: as long as I pay attention to the wind, sit up against something (like a cedar tree) that breaks up my outline, and don't fidget around, the deer don't seem to mind they're being shot by a simple-minded nebbish who is neither Hard-Core nor Xtreme enough to wear such duds as what's now available.

I can live with that. Hell, eventually I'd even like to get rid of all my camo, every bit of it, and just go back to  hunting like this guy.    

16 comments:

  1. 100% backed. I have two camo hats and a few earthtoned green or brown articles and that's it. I'm gonna leave this here if you don't mind.. http://red-legged-devils.com/2013/08/30/huntin-with-the-doosh-the-doosh-on-camo-selection/

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    1. Don't mind at all. Hell, I need to read it. And get your new blog address up...

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    2. Ha! Went and read it. How the hell did I miss that one, too? Woulda linked to it had I pulled my head out and noticed it. Sometimes I think my blogroll doesn't update like it should. At any rate, need to update the entire thing. And BTW, that's not "six lures" the sky camo guy's using, the proper term is "Alabama Rig". They're awesome, you know, but but I prefer the "Oklahoma Rig" which is simply an Alabama rig rigged up with dynamite.

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  2. Ever read "The Earth is Enough"? Turkey hunting in a Santa suit to prove a point.

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    1. Yep, I'm a Harry Middleton fan. I don't go that far, but I guess it could be done... Doubt I'd try that these days, though, either get locked up or shot...

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  3. You have gone the Dave Petersen route. He swore off camo a few years ago because he did not want to be associated with camo-wearing toters of compound bows with sight pins and synthetic everything. Just plaid shirts in earth tones now.

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  4. I have to chime in that with ducks and geese…concealment is everything….but if you are in a blind it is mostly the hat and the face. I do wear camp face paint because I cannot stand a face mask.If you are out in the boat picking up the dekes and ask your buddy to stand up…and he has no mask or paint…his face stands out like a turd in a punch bowl That flares the birds every time. The wily Delbay and eastern shore geese will flare if they see a spent shell in the corn or a pink face peaking from the blind!

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    1. Yeah, for the mask-phobic I guess paint is the only option, but I'm getting really tired of running into these dumbass "crews" of Duck Dynasty wannabes marked up like a war party with their fearsome paint jobs and their barrel stickers and their...oh, shit, better stop right now...

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  5. For those who don't know his work, I should have included a link to Dave Petersen's online bookstore.. Mea culpa.

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  6. I have one remaining pair of holey Army camo pants which I use for the yoga class my Parkinson's forces me to take (my young female doc: "You should have a T shirt that says 'Vodka and Yoga saved my sorry ass!' ") Oh-- and an ancient fleece of dubious provenance i wear when the New Mexico fall weather is ambiguous, in town not field. We become practical...

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    1. Of course poverty helps facilitate that practicality, at least in my case...

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  7. The only camo I own is a vintage Bob Allen parka in Maynard Reese's Ducks Unlimited pattern. Sorry if I come off as some sort of camo elitist, but it's the coolest pattern ever, and the only one I'd be caught dead (or alive) in.

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  8. One day I will find, edit, and post the accidental video I shot for the blog. It was about camo, and how it's not really necessary for most hunting. As I was jabbering on, standing in the trail beside my truck, two does and a young buck just sort of meandered across the background about 50 yards away... during hunting season, no less. You can't pay for that kind of illustration. Always thought it would be fun to shoot some hunts wearing Hawaiian shirts too...

    As a youngster, everything I hunted saw me (or didn't) in my dad's old, brown(ish) hunting jacket with the game pouch in the back. When it got cold, I put on sweatshirts underneath. Later on, when I was living on my own earnings, it was surplus jungle BDUs and field jacket which could still be had for a reasonable price (apparently it's a fashion thing nowadays, and costs as much as brand new Levis).

    When I started writing for an eZine, and later for my blog, it seems like the only thing folks wanted me to review was camo. Predator, Desert Shadow, and some others I can't even remember filled the little closet in my gun room/garage. I still wear some of it today, because I don't care if it gets bloodstained and it's pretty comfortable. But mostly, my big game hunting gear consists of a heavy canvas jacket and some work pants, topped with my black Stetson. I still camo out for turkeys and ducks, and it's probably the right thing... although I sometimes think it's as much for the tradition and ritual as for fooling birds.

    Oh, and just to be the contrary voice, I find David Petersen (at least the personna he presents through his writing) to be a pompous, self-righteous ass. Some folks might say the same about me, but I'm OK with it.

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    1. Ha! I think there's always gonna be somebody to say that about pretty much everyone, including me. Actually, I used to get called a lot worse on the F&S blogs. Used to be somewhat sensitive to it, but eh, you develop a skin. I haven't read all of Petersen's stuff, but I did enjoy Ghost Grizzlies and the anthology he edited, as well as The Nearby Faraway.

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    2. To be fair, I haven't read all his stuff either. He is a quality wordsmith, no argument about that, but I have issues with his approach to hunting ethics in various essays and columns in which he basically says, "unless you pretend to be a mountain man like me, you're not a 'real' hunter." It's one thing to hold and follow a strict personal ethic, but another altogether to preach it as gospel to everyone else.

      And I don't know how you stood the F&S blog gig. There's a real bunch of winners in that peanut gallery sometimes. You'd have to have armor plate for skin.

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