Friday, September 11, 2009

Self-medication, Mallard-style

To the person who stumbled across the blog after Googling "Is there any cure discontent":

Sadly, no.

It is, at least in my case, a terminal condition with no known cure. You can briefly deaden its symptoms with drugs (both legal and illicit), booze, reality television or Wal-Mart people-watching.

All of these things will temporarily make you feel better about yourself, but eventually the discontent will creep back in and soon, very soon, you will be pissed off and dissatisfied all over again.

So my advice is rather than fight your discontent, accept it. Embrace it. View it as a cattle prod for your soul and let it zap you in the ass every time you start becoming complacent, malleable, unquestioning.

Do you really want to be a shiny-happy, well-adjusted, content person, all docile and smiley-faced and ready to accept the fate society hands you? I call those people livestock.

I don't trust happy, contented well-adjusted people and you shouldn't either. Your discontent is a gift that lifts you above the cud-chewers. Use it to your advantage.

And if that doesn't work, if all else fails, then go get yourself a big-bore handgun, a few boxes of shells, a shitload of water jugs and start blazing away. In the long run it's cheaper, more cathartic and a helluva lot more fun than a shrink.

Sorry I couldn't be of more help.


  1. Personally, my prescription for discontent or general orneriness is a backpack, fishing rod, and two or preferably three days to myself in mountains. Something about walking along with a pack heavy enough to make you work a bit and pay attention helps loosen up the mental processes. About the time you hit a rhythm (assuming you're in shape enough not to be just suffering) you can really start to think things through. The rod is because I've never been backpacker enough just to walk somewhere "because".

  2. 'The cure..... is curiosity, there is no known cure for curiosity'
    She was right

    Chadster get yer butt on the plane and explore london for a few days.

    Unusually we have a very nice guest room for you

  3. Ah, if I only had the coin for a ticket.

    However, next summer is my wife's regularly-scheduled Rome-Paris-London cultural indoctrination tour, so I'm there...