Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Memo from the Gods

To: Chad Love

From: The Gods

Date: 11-23-10

Subject: Re: Mallard of Discontent Blog Post 10-24-10 specifically, graf 1 lines 4-5 "Provided I have the opportunity to do so, the first two bucks and the first four does I see will be going in the freezer. No questions, no hesitation, no contemplation." (please see attached response below).

Dear Mr. Love,

In reference to your uttering of the above noted passage, we regret to inform you that pursuant to statutory requirements set down in the Immortal Deity Code (27th Edition), we must invoke Rule 3C of Section 42 of the IDC, "Quashing Rash and/or Overly Self-Confident Mortal Pronouncements" which clearly states (and we quote)...

                      "Announcing your plans is a good way to make the gods laugh"

We are now laughing at you. If you feel this decision has been made in error please contact our customer relations department by making a sacrifice at the alter of your choosing. We accept goats, pigs, chickens and most other domesticated beasts, but due to ongoing legal issues we unfortunately cannot accept virgins at this time.

Once your sacrificial request has been submitted it will be forwarded to our Consideration of Mortal Pleas Committee and a decision will be made within 90 days. If you do not hear from us in that period of time that means the original decision in your case has been confirmed and you have no further appeals. The laughter will continue. Please do not contact us, as incessant inquiries may incur a smiting penalty.

If however, the committee reverses the original decision in your case, the divine laughter will stop and the stated intentions set forth in your original rash and/or overly self-confident pronouncement may proceed without further interference. If this is the case you will be informed of said decision via mysterious old crone, spectral vision, talking animal or other appropriately god-like sign.

And please understand that we can process pleas only in the order in which they are received. This is our busy time of year and your patience and cooperation is much appreciated (incessant complaints may incur a smiting penalty).

Thank you and have a wonderful day,

The Gods


  1. Classic, Chad! If you wanna make the gods laugh...

    A hard lesson, but learn it and heed it. Trust me.

  2. That is great, Chad. The post, not the laughing part. Well said, well said.

  3. Tis nice to be so informed by your deities of said laughter penalty Chad, tis clear that you were indeed close to being smite which could have severely cramped your style.
    Great post my good man, raised a chuckle before I trudge off for the ghost shift.

  4. Don't piss them off Chad, look what's happened to me.

    Bah Humbug

  5. Hmmm,

    At least they have the courtesy of letting you know. Me, I just get smote...

    Godd one Chad, very good one!

    Best Regards,
    Albert A Rasch
    The Range Reviews Tactical: How Terrorists Choose Their Targets

  6. Really, Chad, you should've known better. The behavior of the gods is so well-documented!

    Whatcha gonna sacrifice?