Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Technical minutia...

Thanks to Norcal Cazadora and Suburban Bushwacker I am now an accomplished pro at linking without showing the URLs. At least I hope I am. I'll find out when I post this blog...

At any rate, thanks guys. That worked so well I think I'll ask another: Surely there's a procedure - simple enough to be understood by the densest of simpletons (that would be me) -  to make my entire header clickable, right?

A friend pointed out to me that without a clickable header there's no easy way to return to the top of the blog (and the most recent post).  It seems my blog title is clickable, but that's pretty much it. If there's a way to do it easily (and again, "easily" is code for "easily enough for a moron") I'd be eternally grateful yet again. Norcal, I'm thinking specifically of your header.

If I want to continue this blogging thing (without an editor at F&S taking care of all the technical stuff, which is what happens now) I'm going to have to force myself to learn this garbage these skills.

Problem is, I'm generally very impatient with electronic machinery. It's more than a little embarrassing for someone who habitually rails against anthropomorphism in animals to admit it, but that's exactly what I do with computers and other electronic gadgets.

When things start going wrong my reason and sanity go out the window and I find myself ascribing a soul to the offending device. A very dark, malevolent soul whose sole meaning for existence is to piss me off. This little binary demon derives its pleasure from my misery. Human frustration, my frustration, is its lifeforce. And the angrier I get the more I become convinced the little bastard is goading me on. And that's when the threats of physical violence start.

Call it immaturity, an infantile character flaw or ordinary, garden-variety stupidity, but I dislike machines and they, in turn, dislike me. Back in the dial-up age, we had a computer with a modem that - and to this day I remain fully convinced of this - hated me. My wife could surf for hours without a hitch. But the minute I got on, it started in. Kick off. Re-dial. Work for five minutes. Kick off. Re-dial. An endless loop of frustration, curses, shouts. I warned the modem I would get my revenge, and a few months later, I did. The new computer arrived and the old computer went in the garage sale pile. But not before I popped the case, removed the modem, grabbed a hammer and went completely Office Space on its ass.

It didn't make any sense at all. But damn it felt good.

So there you go. I need to figure out how to expand my clickable header area, and I need to figure out a wayto do it without the help of blunt-force trauma. Any ideas before things get out of hand and someone - or something - gets hurt?


  1. You know, I didn't do anything special to make my header clickable. But I think the reason my whole header is clickable is that my header is just a jpeg - I don't use words at all. I just used Photoshop to put my words on my photo. That gives you much more control over typography and readability. But then you need to know Photoshop...